Q aka Cupid...

im at this same damn crossroad
something about it feels sooo familiar.
this dark, dim, secluded area
where the cold, cruel atmosphere
is tainted even more by criticism,
doubt, and judgement.

you see i've been here before
in this same spot...a few times actually.
contemplating what direction my future
must go based on the mistakes made in my past

i was sooo thirsty, desperate
and needed most of all to be needed.
constant validation was required to pacify my urge,
need, or deficit of what was lacking the most
L.O.V.E.

so here we go on this merry go round
back & forth struggling with the hand of cupid
an arm wrestle i had not been sufficiently trained to fight
(that sneaky bastard)
tapping into my lonely factor
preying on me because he smelled the desperation oozing
from my freshly manicured fingertips.
he figured throwing curve balls my way
like booty calls dressed to kill or
the latest edition of vogue would send my
psychological clock running overtime.

Q my nickname for him, was pretty wise.
he positioned life's mirrors @ the perfect angel,
so that the light of reality would beam my imperfections into perspective
or at least in place where i was still young and naive
unable to cultivate wise & mature decisions....
like leaving a man alone that always seem to leave his wife alone.
the agony of defeat was so frustrating.
constantly fighting a battle that i knew i would fail
i mean how is anyone suppose to function (or fight)
if they know that the outcome will soon end in
the same slain soldier's song....

my eyes were used to tears
just as my heart was used to breaking.
dammit if my soul and will weren't fatigued
from fueling my earnest pursuit for love,
compassion... and completion.

we are at the bridge now of the melody
that me & Q have spent countless years,
months, weeks, days, and hours;
trying to make a real and relative as possible.
what began as the mission impossible,
slowly evolved to be the mission made possible
by a true life journey.
full of hope, but equal let down
rich with promise, but spun thickly with lies
pure almost righteous, but tainted by the rape
and ridicule of the world
(or at least this side of town).

so here we are
at this same damn crossroad.
learning lessons from past mistakes
all while training for the day
when Q & and i can throw down.